Re-born and Renewed

For years I struggled with insecurities
The repercussions of making wrong choices
It didn't matter much when I was soaring above the rest
But once my wings were clipped it was a whole different story
My thoughts were all a jumbled mess
Constantly looking for happiness in a bottle
Living for the day, hoping for a better tomorrow

I didn't realize I was on a head on collision with disaster
Not just once but over and over again
I managed to find myself in the spotlight of trouble
It was almost like I had become someone else
While the real me was hiding away in the shadows

Lost in a surreal world, stuck in a time warp
Try as I might I just couldn't pull my self out
Worn out and frustrated I called out to you
screaming 'I have had enough, lord get me out of this shit'
Within a few days my entire world changed
Old familiar bond restored, superficial bonds blown to smithereens
I couldn't grasp what was happening, so many changes 
I felt a panic like I was losing control 
But I chose not to fight it

For once in my life I stood on the side lines and watched 
Something you had done for many years
I was coming back, slowly but steadily back to my lost self
I hadn't been me in so long and it felt so good
Just soaking up the reality I took a deep breath
I thanked God for finally putting me back on track
I finally found peace and a reason to smile from within
A sensation that had eluded me for almost an eternity

Broken Bonds

We've laughed out loud and cried many tears 

Seen each other through many milestones in life

Stood by one another’s side firmly against the world

Understood our shared feelings well, or so I thought

For years we bonded making the most of every moment

Celebrated in our collective successes, at times over did it

We didn't have a care in the world as long as we were together

Our lives taking us in different directions but ending up close enough

We were the envy of most, the focal point of discussion for the idle

Nothing ever deterred us from being there for each other

We fought the cause of friendship the ties getting stronger each day

Until one day when all the bonds went to pieces

I thought our friendship could weather any storm

I never imagined things would turn out this way

Lust, betrayal, down right dis-respect fills the void of an empty friendship

We allowed the erosion to set in and destroy us

To disintegrate so fast the ties had to be lose

Each time I had your back it couldn't have meant much

Did I pledge allegiance to something that was not there to begin with?

Years into a friendship you never expect to be blind-sided

Yes, it hurt to figure things out and walk away

To realise that nothing was sacred within the bonds of friendship

As difficult as it was I now understand, this bond was not made to last

Lone-star

I was drawn to you the moment I saw you
You had a way about you that still makes me smile
A little bit of naughty mixed with nice
So gentle, so calm so set in your ways
I felt instantly secure when you were near, its amazing
Through the years we have remained connected
Seen each other through many ups and downs
Not in each others face too often just a safe distance away
Can't believe that we have managed to stay this way



Sometimes when I am alone staring into the night sky 
The stillness of the dark night and that one lone star 
Reminds me so much of you
You make your way through life alone
So rooted in your ways 
Ambitious, determined to get ahead
Your life so well mapped out
Each milestone achieved on time
You work like clock work
Managing every visible aspect of life so well

If only you would break those walls of self sufficiency
The ones you have so carefully built over the years
You don't need to be so cold, its ok to feel
Understand that not everyone is out to hurt you
Many times I have seen you at that emotional crossroad
A little step closer and you would cross that boundary
But you always beat a hasty retreat
Leaving me confused and scared as you are

We don't talk for months on end
Then suddenly its like a rush for attention
I don't understand what it is we share
Its dysfunctional and bizarre
I'd rather not try to figure this out
I've learnt to accepted the limits and enjoy the moments 
I feel it in my bones that you will be around for awhile
Here within my space, but emotionally a little out of reach

I try to be devoid of emotion, I don't want to scare you away
I'm just glad you are here in your own special way
At times I want to reach out to you
But then I back away 
Thus far and no further
Why spoil what we have and end up bitter
This is who you are, it took me a while to understand you 
The lone-star radiating light mixed with the warning signs to keep away

The pain of separation

I reached for you but the sheets were cold, the bed empty

I turned around my eyes burning with tears

Clutched my pillow tight , cried myself to sleep

I must have done this every night for so long

It was an effort to wake up each morning

Dragging myself out of bed standing up on shaky feet

My spirit was broken I looked such a mess

For the longest time I couldn’t think straight

I drifted from day to day aimlessly

My dreams had shattered before my eyes

The walls of protection had come crashing down

I was vulnerable and totally exposed

Replaying the sequences and scenes over and over

Asking myself the questions I dared not ask out loud

Working myself into a frenzy and panic

How do I go on?

Sometimes I sit in quiet solitude just staring out to sea

I feel the waves beckoning me and I start to walk in

Nothing else around me seems to matter anymore

Until someone runs up and shakes me into reality

I have no tears left no strength to move

My heart aches my head feels like a rock

Friends talk to me, I listen but don’t really hear a sound

All the while just thinking, where did I go wrong?

I turn to God in my desperation, the only sanity I seem to have

I look for answers in all the wrong places take all the wrong turns

I beat myself up, my confidence shattered

I have become a stranger, someone even I hardly recognize

I am angry, confused, feeling hurt and betrayed

Every milestone reminding me it was all a lie

More angry at myself for feeling this way

The bitter pill of separation seems to have gotten the best of me

Jekyll and Hyde

When I met you I was young and naive
You had that twinkle in your eye, Oh! I was so mesmerised
We chatted for hours, swapped stories and laughed till morning
I took in every word, cherished every moment of that day
Yes, It was a little past 3am when I fell hopelessly in love with you

You made me smile, you wiped away my tears
You were my rock, a little shaky but firm enough to withstand the storms
Every moment spent with you was an adventure
Nothing ever bordered on boredom, life was one big party
You accepted me for who I was, no rules, no bullshit 
I felt so free yes, you could say I was addicted

Years went by, we weathered many storms
Oppositions were aplenty but, I thought we grew strong
I was in it for keeps I thought you were too
Never believed a word I heard 
How could I? You lived there right inside me
A ticking time bomb waiting to explode

I woke up one morning to the harsh reality that you were gone
In your place was this man I hardly recognised
Little did I realise how destructive you were
Heartless to the core, a real Jekyll and Hyde
Before I knew it you ripped out my heart
Sent it splattering to the floor in a million pieces
You broke me down to nothingness, until I could stand no more

My world crashed around me, my home fell apart
The family I knew was no more
Sadness and depression engulfed me but, you moved on
Your head held high your ego full on
I loved you from the very depths of my being
I had promised to never let anyone hurt you ever again
I guess that's why it was so very hard

I thought I could save you from the world, 
I didn't realize I couldn't save you from yourself
Your insecurities were just too strong
You were blinded by lust that became a hopeless habit
There was no turning back
You broke my spirit and my belief in love
You gave up on us
How can you love one minute and hate the next?
I will never understand
I believed in you till the very end, perhaps I didn't know you well

The scavenger

Glistening under the noon day sun,

He potters around aimlessly
His charm you just cannot miss, he is on top of his game
Sweeping you off your feet when he is at his best
A well toned body oiled with an excess of alcohol
Makes for good eye candy though not much else

Limited conversation for there's no substance in his brain
A great entertainer but the stories tend to get a bit stale
A cheat, a two timer a disrespectful male whore
You can have a bit of fun but nothing more

If you think he is a good friend, you better think again
He is good at what he does and convinces you he is the real thing
Women are so foolish they would betray their best mate
To play a few seconds in this losers game

He feeds on garbage at the bottom of the food chain
If you fill his stomach he will repay you well
His attention span is limited
The roving eye takes very short breaks
He is a trained hunter, he'll no sooner be back to his game

One true love

This feeling I have, its very real
You came into my life not a moment too soon
And now I'm on a constant high
The first day I met you, I was so confused
Afraid to even move, thinking I would lose you
It took a few weeks to get used to the thought, that you were real

I felt myself smiling each morning
There were butterflies inside me and a song in my heart
A few months down the road when I held you in my arms
My world just stopped
You looked so gorgeous, a miracle, a work of art
I couldn't stop the tears that fell on that february morning
I felt so blessed I couldn't stop staring
I just knew you were going to be, the love of my life

Many moons have passed, you are all grown up
But I still feel my heart go a flutter, when you are near
Your wit, your charm I can't get enough of
Your hugs and kisses are truly the best
I see you each morning and I thank God
For giving me his best gift
To have and to hold forever at last

My prayer for you as you turn seven
Is to be a good man someday
Don't forget your values and the people who love you
Remember life will be scary but for the most part a great journey
If you have your sense of humour it will be quite a good ride

My little man, my son I love you with all my heart
You came into my life and changed it from the very start
My little miracle my blessing from God
You will always be the light of my life.