The journey through life is not an easy one, the road is paved with many bumps, thumps and pot-holes before it smoothens out for a bit. Each time the road smoothens out we have a new lease of life and toast to new beginnings. I have toasted to new beginnings many times over in my short life span and I am sure I will be toasting to many more as life progresses.
You see the thing is, each time I start a new chapter before it comes an upheaval a purging almost of the old order of things and each time the old order changes, it takes a little bit more out of me. Yes, you could put it down to experience or be content with that age old line 'such is life' but really, should this be the order of things?
I spent the last eight years of my life back in my parents home, don't get me wrong whilst I enjoyed the carefree life I spent there with my son it depressed me a great deal that I had to be confined to the four walls of a room. Having run house and had an independent lifestyle I used to find the four walls closing in on me at times and it used to drive me nuts.
I finally put my foot out the door and took up the challenge of moving out, it was not an easy decision at all. I deliberated over it for months but as I said before after a stormy upheaval I decided this just had to be done. And, so began my newest venture 'playing house'.
The day before I moved in I ran to one of the quaint little churches around the corner from my office, lit candles for my family, all my friends and especially for the journey I was about to embark upon. I think my plea for a successful new beginning was so strong that although I have moved in and more or less settled in the purging of the old order has not ended.
I am not sure if this is going to be 'the big bang' in my universe but HE seems to be more in control of my life than I am at this point. I think the best thing I can do is toast to new beginnings, sit back and enjoy the little moments of joy that keep coming into my life.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Oh! September
A beautiful month no doubt, but it represents for me a darker milestone. For years I have dreaded the arrival of September, some years are better than the rest and it creeps in and leaves without any significant shift in my system, but some years it crashes in with a great big THUD! Shakes every inch of my foundation, rips me up from deep inside and leaves me gutted.
Time passes, people come in and out of our lives and the one thing we are left with are the memories, either good or bad. What's amazing is that no matter how many good memories you have its the bad ones, the sad ones that are top of mind... September 2010, just brought in every bad memory I had hidden deep inside - like an un-stoppable wave it just swept over me and before I knew it I was drowning.
While I was drowning the one thing I kept thinking of is how much longer really, will I allow myself to relive all this? cry the tears? beat myself up over and over again? feel like my insides have been ripped out? how much longer? I had no answer - hello in there??? nothing, nothing at all... not a single sound that makes any sense.
If I could just scream I would, stand on top of some mountain and yell my gutts out... I'M SORRY! I MADE ONE LOUSY MISTAKE.... I LOVED WITHOUT THINKING.... WITHOUT LIMITS... I GAVE MY ALL... DO I HAVE TO KEEP PAYING FOR IT FOREVER!
Shouldn't there be an expiry date for pain?
Oh! September.... won't you be kinder to me.
Time passes, people come in and out of our lives and the one thing we are left with are the memories, either good or bad. What's amazing is that no matter how many good memories you have its the bad ones, the sad ones that are top of mind... September 2010, just brought in every bad memory I had hidden deep inside - like an un-stoppable wave it just swept over me and before I knew it I was drowning.
While I was drowning the one thing I kept thinking of is how much longer really, will I allow myself to relive all this? cry the tears? beat myself up over and over again? feel like my insides have been ripped out? how much longer? I had no answer - hello in there??? nothing, nothing at all... not a single sound that makes any sense.
If I could just scream I would, stand on top of some mountain and yell my gutts out... I'M SORRY! I MADE ONE LOUSY MISTAKE.... I LOVED WITHOUT THINKING.... WITHOUT LIMITS... I GAVE MY ALL... DO I HAVE TO KEEP PAYING FOR IT FOREVER!
Shouldn't there be an expiry date for pain?
Oh! September.... won't you be kinder to me.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The power of positive thinking
Yes, its a cliche'd statement however, I felt the need to write something about this after the experience I have had over the past few months with someone very special in my life.
A few years ago, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was a a very traumatic revelation not only for her but also for the rest of the family. Those initial few days from diagnosis to action seemed surreal - I was in my early 20's and couldn't quite fathom or grasp what was happening. I saw my mum morphing from the happy go lucky person into a very lost and depressed person. Having limited access to the www we really had no clue what all this meant, we followed the motions laid out for us by the doctors and the radiologists and that was that. In my country there is nothing called counselling for these sorts of things, the patient so to speak is left to basically deal with it as best they can.
It took her years to heal emotionally as well as physically.
After 13 years, last october we had the angel of doom give us the news that there was a tumour recurrence, this time, thankfully we had the www to counter check everything to make sure we knew what was going on every step of the way and naturally we were all older and wiser and readier if thats what you call it, to deal with the next steps and do what we had to do. Its taken 9 months with chemo and radiation to get to a point where the doctor finally says we are over the worst and the cancer has been cleared.... thank God.
This time around though there was one major difference from years ago and that was MUM. I was amazed to see just how strong she was emotionally. At times when the stress of everything was overwhelming, and well meaning family and friends actually questioned me or my brother if we were doing the right thing, she stood un-waivered, assuring us both that we were doing the right thing (my reaction was just to retort and say 'yeah i'm gonna do something that's gonna kill her off') I cant imagine going through most of what she had too in the past few months, at many points in the process I could feel myself giving up almost, but not MUM she stood firm in her belief that she was going to be ok. She kept that smile on her face and stood up strongly against every thing that came in front of her. The perils of Chemotherapy, the reaction to the chemo overdose and the daily radiation that took its toll nothing could wipe that smile off her face.
Kudos to you MA, you are a testament to your faith, and a strength to us all - I am more in awe of you today than I have been of anyone in my life, you have shown me that all you need to have in your life is the faith to get you through each day. May you grow stronger in your belief and be a strength to every cancer patient who needs to win the battle over this wretched disease.
We love you.
A few years ago, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was a a very traumatic revelation not only for her but also for the rest of the family. Those initial few days from diagnosis to action seemed surreal - I was in my early 20's and couldn't quite fathom or grasp what was happening. I saw my mum morphing from the happy go lucky person into a very lost and depressed person. Having limited access to the www we really had no clue what all this meant, we followed the motions laid out for us by the doctors and the radiologists and that was that. In my country there is nothing called counselling for these sorts of things, the patient so to speak is left to basically deal with it as best they can.
It took her years to heal emotionally as well as physically.
After 13 years, last october we had the angel of doom give us the news that there was a tumour recurrence, this time, thankfully we had the www to counter check everything to make sure we knew what was going on every step of the way and naturally we were all older and wiser and readier if thats what you call it, to deal with the next steps and do what we had to do. Its taken 9 months with chemo and radiation to get to a point where the doctor finally says we are over the worst and the cancer has been cleared.... thank God.
This time around though there was one major difference from years ago and that was MUM. I was amazed to see just how strong she was emotionally. At times when the stress of everything was overwhelming, and well meaning family and friends actually questioned me or my brother if we were doing the right thing, she stood un-waivered, assuring us both that we were doing the right thing (my reaction was just to retort and say 'yeah i'm gonna do something that's gonna kill her off') I cant imagine going through most of what she had too in the past few months, at many points in the process I could feel myself giving up almost, but not MUM she stood firm in her belief that she was going to be ok. She kept that smile on her face and stood up strongly against every thing that came in front of her. The perils of Chemotherapy, the reaction to the chemo overdose and the daily radiation that took its toll nothing could wipe that smile off her face.
Kudos to you MA, you are a testament to your faith, and a strength to us all - I am more in awe of you today than I have been of anyone in my life, you have shown me that all you need to have in your life is the faith to get you through each day. May you grow stronger in your belief and be a strength to every cancer patient who needs to win the battle over this wretched disease.
We love you.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Bad boys, bad boys whatcha gonna do.....whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
This was possibly one of them reggae tracks that got quite a bit of airplay a few years ago - it was playing in my head over and over again while I was tripping over the weekend on too much sun and surf. I felt I had to do justice to the tune so here I am writing a spheal on 'bad boys'
Aw... come on we have all met our fill of bad boys haven't we? you see them around driving their flashy wheels, oozing with attitude, all pumped up hot bods and trouble tattooed on their foreheads??? yes, yes thats the one who just set your heart fluttering and sent your imagination into a whirlwind.
So here's the thing, some of us have an uncanny knack of attracting trouble and when we do sometimes we don't have a clue how to deal with it. Take the advice of a permanent trouble magnet, enjoy the flutter in the heart but make sure its only a flutter and nothing more, let your imagination explore every bit of that whirlwind but please don't get caught up in the aftermath of it. There is nothing like having some happy time with the bad boys provided you hit the breaks when you have too and don't skid outta control.
If you’ve got it bad for a bad boy, here are a few pointers I fell upon by a love coach :) read on, this could be enlightening:
They say there are really only two types of men. Do tell!
Most men fall into one of two categories, Marrying Men and Hardened Bachelors, aka Bad Boys. In my private practice as a love coach, many women in relationship trouble often don’t know how to tell the difference between the two, and that’s the problem. They fail to see the telltale signs of a man who’s really relationship material, or a man who’s a Bad Boy.
The signs of a Marrying Man
It’s not particularly tough to spot this type of guy. He says things like, “I’m looking to get married,” with the ease of a man saying, “My company is looking for a receptionist.” He brings up the subject of marriage, family and commitment on his own, unflinchingly, and without prodding. When dating, he asks questions like, “What was your last relationship like?” to understand whether you qualify as a marriage-minded woman. Marrying Men like being in relationships. In fact, they need them. Now, “need” isn’t a dirty word when it comes to men in relationships, because in truth, men only marry the women they need. Bad Boys just keep burning through women and then replace them with different models… who sometimes are models!
So how would you define and describe a Bad Boy?
He can date in every age range and shag whomever he wants because he’s charismatic and handsome. He is also a master at making women feel really, really special because he loves them. These men aren’t monogamous—they don’t have to be! They have so many opportunities to cheat, they figure what’s a bon-bon or two when you’ve been offered the whole darn box?
Can single women easily identify a Bad Boy? Sometimes it’s not that easy!
They often make wisecracks about how “unhappy” all of their married friends are. Bad Boys often run in tight little groups comprised of other sexy, equally unavailable males. Their long-term primary relationships are often with each other, but they are available to women for sex; fun, short-term romance; long-term, non-exclusive sexual arrangements; or marriages made solely for their convenience (which will likely be riddled with affairs). Beneath it all, though, most Bad Boys are still traumatized from a twisted relationship deep in their past—with mommy or an ex.
Is it ever worth it to date a Bad Boy?
Bad Boys are perfect playmates for women who aren’t looking for a serious relationship, like divorced women who don’t want to get remarried and are just ready for excitement and fun. In fact, mature women are usually the only suitable partners for bad boys. They’re wise enough to understand the value of what he has to offer without making the mistake of falling in love with him. The thing to remember about these guys is that you will never come first; he’s totally self-involved, so keep your expectations realistic. Be in it for fun and fun only, and try not to expect more, because a Bad Boy will not be able to give it to you. Resist the temptation to think you’re different, that you can change him because you can’t, no matter how fantastic you are. It really is not you, it’s him.
Can a woman ever win over a Bad Boy?
Bad Boys all have one thing in common: a need for “space.” His rigid boundaries ensure that you’ll remain far too distant for real intimacy to occur. As soon as he feels he’s being emotionally hemmed in, he’ll panic. This is one reason why these men prefer dating very young women; they know that most young girls aren’t ready for marriage and won’t pressure him much. If in the extremely rare instance when a Bad Boy actually lets his guard down long enough to fall in love, know that he’ll be virtually tool-free when it comes to working out a real relationship. He’s often immature, petty, prone to jealousy, and then some! Frankly, in most cases, you’ll know that the relationship needs to end. It has to be you and you alone realizing this; it won’t come from all of your friends and family members continually reminding you how wrong he is for you. But when you figure it out and get over him, it’s the kind of experience that teaches you a lot of good lessons!
Well, there you have it ladies you cant tame a bad boy but you can sure as hell have one heck of a ride - make sure you enjoy every minute of it!
Aw... come on we have all met our fill of bad boys haven't we? you see them around driving their flashy wheels, oozing with attitude, all pumped up hot bods and trouble tattooed on their foreheads??? yes, yes thats the one who just set your heart fluttering and sent your imagination into a whirlwind.
So here's the thing, some of us have an uncanny knack of attracting trouble and when we do sometimes we don't have a clue how to deal with it. Take the advice of a permanent trouble magnet, enjoy the flutter in the heart but make sure its only a flutter and nothing more, let your imagination explore every bit of that whirlwind but please don't get caught up in the aftermath of it. There is nothing like having some happy time with the bad boys provided you hit the breaks when you have too and don't skid outta control.
If you’ve got it bad for a bad boy, here are a few pointers I fell upon by a love coach :) read on, this could be enlightening:
They say there are really only two types of men. Do tell!
Most men fall into one of two categories, Marrying Men and Hardened Bachelors, aka Bad Boys. In my private practice as a love coach, many women in relationship trouble often don’t know how to tell the difference between the two, and that’s the problem. They fail to see the telltale signs of a man who’s really relationship material, or a man who’s a Bad Boy.
The signs of a Marrying Man
It’s not particularly tough to spot this type of guy. He says things like, “I’m looking to get married,” with the ease of a man saying, “My company is looking for a receptionist.” He brings up the subject of marriage, family and commitment on his own, unflinchingly, and without prodding. When dating, he asks questions like, “What was your last relationship like?” to understand whether you qualify as a marriage-minded woman. Marrying Men like being in relationships. In fact, they need them. Now, “need” isn’t a dirty word when it comes to men in relationships, because in truth, men only marry the women they need. Bad Boys just keep burning through women and then replace them with different models… who sometimes are models!
So how would you define and describe a Bad Boy?
He can date in every age range and shag whomever he wants because he’s charismatic and handsome. He is also a master at making women feel really, really special because he loves them. These men aren’t monogamous—they don’t have to be! They have so many opportunities to cheat, they figure what’s a bon-bon or two when you’ve been offered the whole darn box?
Can single women easily identify a Bad Boy? Sometimes it’s not that easy!
They often make wisecracks about how “unhappy” all of their married friends are. Bad Boys often run in tight little groups comprised of other sexy, equally unavailable males. Their long-term primary relationships are often with each other, but they are available to women for sex; fun, short-term romance; long-term, non-exclusive sexual arrangements; or marriages made solely for their convenience (which will likely be riddled with affairs). Beneath it all, though, most Bad Boys are still traumatized from a twisted relationship deep in their past—with mommy or an ex.
Is it ever worth it to date a Bad Boy?
Bad Boys are perfect playmates for women who aren’t looking for a serious relationship, like divorced women who don’t want to get remarried and are just ready for excitement and fun. In fact, mature women are usually the only suitable partners for bad boys. They’re wise enough to understand the value of what he has to offer without making the mistake of falling in love with him. The thing to remember about these guys is that you will never come first; he’s totally self-involved, so keep your expectations realistic. Be in it for fun and fun only, and try not to expect more, because a Bad Boy will not be able to give it to you. Resist the temptation to think you’re different, that you can change him because you can’t, no matter how fantastic you are. It really is not you, it’s him.
Can a woman ever win over a Bad Boy?
Bad Boys all have one thing in common: a need for “space.” His rigid boundaries ensure that you’ll remain far too distant for real intimacy to occur. As soon as he feels he’s being emotionally hemmed in, he’ll panic. This is one reason why these men prefer dating very young women; they know that most young girls aren’t ready for marriage and won’t pressure him much. If in the extremely rare instance when a Bad Boy actually lets his guard down long enough to fall in love, know that he’ll be virtually tool-free when it comes to working out a real relationship. He’s often immature, petty, prone to jealousy, and then some! Frankly, in most cases, you’ll know that the relationship needs to end. It has to be you and you alone realizing this; it won’t come from all of your friends and family members continually reminding you how wrong he is for you. But when you figure it out and get over him, it’s the kind of experience that teaches you a lot of good lessons!
Well, there you have it ladies you cant tame a bad boy but you can sure as hell have one heck of a ride - make sure you enjoy every minute of it!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
A sense of humour and a mug of coffee
My life so far has been a roller coaster ride, for the most part I have enjoyed it tremendously. But you know how it is, its the sad bits that linger in the memory most often and there was a time when I used to be weighed down by those 'milestone' days as I used to call it. Thankfully I have been blessed with a great sense of humour and boy, doesn't it make a world of a difference when you find reasons to literally laugh out loud.
Laughter can turn around even the worst possible day, no matter what hits you if you can smile about it, I assure you even the worst circumstance seem to feel lighter and more concurable. My son refers to me as his crazy mother who always makes him laugh... I am glad that I can teach him to lighten up a little, to realise that situations are not too adverse that you cant see the funny side to it. I live by this philosophy no matter what is going wrong I will always find time to atleast smile if not laugh a little... trust me you will feel a whole lot better when you relax those tense facial expressions and ease that frown.
The second thing I think is man's greatest invention is that must have mug of coffee! I must confess I am a hopeless coffee addict. If I don't get my daily dose of caffeine, I am irritable, moody and down right rude. I love my coffee time, be it at home with bleary eyes early morning, in the office over a heated meeting, in a coffee house having mad conversation with friends or a terribly flirtatious moment with someone who has taken your fancy. That mug of coffee can lend to any moment in life and I just love it to bits. It keeps me sane and on a natural high and guess what, thats how I manage my daily dose of humour.
Dont you just hate to see grumpy faces? gosh, look what the cat dragged in I would say, or whats up with that dude... so think about it when you frown or pout too much, someone might just be tearing your mood to bits.... from today, lighten up a tad bit and don't let the stress of life get you to that place where you have forgotten how to laugh or make someone else laugh.
I would rather die without my sense of humour and I can't imagine my life without that daily dose of coffee! The two things that keep my spirits alive and kicking.
Laughter can turn around even the worst possible day, no matter what hits you if you can smile about it, I assure you even the worst circumstance seem to feel lighter and more concurable. My son refers to me as his crazy mother who always makes him laugh... I am glad that I can teach him to lighten up a little, to realise that situations are not too adverse that you cant see the funny side to it. I live by this philosophy no matter what is going wrong I will always find time to atleast smile if not laugh a little... trust me you will feel a whole lot better when you relax those tense facial expressions and ease that frown.
The second thing I think is man's greatest invention is that must have mug of coffee! I must confess I am a hopeless coffee addict. If I don't get my daily dose of caffeine, I am irritable, moody and down right rude. I love my coffee time, be it at home with bleary eyes early morning, in the office over a heated meeting, in a coffee house having mad conversation with friends or a terribly flirtatious moment with someone who has taken your fancy. That mug of coffee can lend to any moment in life and I just love it to bits. It keeps me sane and on a natural high and guess what, thats how I manage my daily dose of humour.
Dont you just hate to see grumpy faces? gosh, look what the cat dragged in I would say, or whats up with that dude... so think about it when you frown or pout too much, someone might just be tearing your mood to bits.... from today, lighten up a tad bit and don't let the stress of life get you to that place where you have forgotten how to laugh or make someone else laugh.
I would rather die without my sense of humour and I can't imagine my life without that daily dose of coffee! The two things that keep my spirits alive and kicking.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Top 10 Lies Men Tell.... read between the lines
A new survey by OnePole, shows how much lying both men and women do. Women tell an average of 728 lies per year, while men ride the line of over 1,090! If you think all these lies weigh heavily on his guilty conscience, 30 percent deliver them ease and comfort. Here are the top 10 lies he could be dishing out, and what you can do about them:
1. "I didn't have much to drink"
The number one lie told by men is how much they have had to drink. This is more of a lie to themselves than anyone else. An inebriated man is not good at fibbing. It can become a potentially serious problem if he lies about it too often. Wait until he regains sobriety to discuss any concerns about his behavior.
2. "Nothing's wrong, I'm Fine"
Men are taught to not be emotional beings. If he's sad, he's fine, if depressed, he's still fine. It can get awfully lonely for a man going through a difficult time. He feels as if there is nobody he can turn to. This is why it's important he knows someone is there for him. Keep in mind, it's easier for him to express anger when he's vulnerable, so give him space and let him come to you once he's ready.
3. "My battery died," "I didn't know you called"
It is entirely possible for these events to take place, but if these types of circumstances happen too often, they are probably more than just circumstance. Generally these lies are designed to cover up the fact that he's screening his calls, and you're no longer on his priority list. This can be a sign that a man is losing interest or falling out of love. Back off, and give him some space to realize he misses you.
4. "I don't care"
Yes, he does. Men desperately seek the approval of their partner. When faced with the prospects of criticism, blame, and the disappointment of a partner, a man may wall himself off by denying the importance of the relationship. This is the cue to pull back and express negative feelings with sensitivity. Men can handle "I feel" or "I need," much better than they can, "you are" or "you always."
5. "It wasn't expensive"
Women have expensive tastes, but men are just as guilty when it comes to their toys and vanity. Men pride themselves in being responsible with money, so when they buy something reckless, they lie to avoid the guilt of irresponsibility. Based on studies, men are much more susceptible to purchase expensive items for the purpose of deceiving others into thinking they are something they're not.
6. "I'm on my way," "I was stuck in traffic"
When a man is less than excited to be somewhere, these lies can add 20 to 40 minutes of free time to his schedule. This form of passive aggression spites his partner since he's showing up late, while hiding his contempt behind what he considers a plausible excuse. Instead of complaining that he's always late, try letting him know when (and why) it's really important for him to be on time.
7. "I didn't forget"
Men know the punitive damages of forgetting a birthday or anniversary. When faced with this transgression he will deny it, excuse himself quietly, drive to the nearest grocery store, and buy the biggest bouquet of flowers he can. Men don't understand the importance of remembering key relationship moments, so ambush his lies by communicating expectations openly and clearly.
8. "I'd never get plastic surgery"
Men are actually just as vain as women. In a 2007 survey, it was found that 17 percent of men had performed some sort of cosmetic surgery, whether hair transplant or botox injections. It's an increase of 5 and 21 percent, respectively, compared to just a few decades ago.
9. "I understand"
Men want to understand, but often their communication style differs so much they form a wedge between their partner. If he says he understands, make sure your needs have been explained with action-type words, rather than symbolic inference. For example, men will understand the phrase, "I want you to grab and kiss me more often," much more than, "I need more romance."
10. "I'm not married," "My wife and I are separated"
Cheating among married men is a tricky proposition. His real trick is to capture his pursued sex object's confidence, making her think she's about to get a good man -- when in fact she's only getting a cheating husband. Never believe a married man who makes these types of statements or promises. If he's a cheater, he's also a liar!
1. "I didn't have much to drink"
The number one lie told by men is how much they have had to drink. This is more of a lie to themselves than anyone else. An inebriated man is not good at fibbing. It can become a potentially serious problem if he lies about it too often. Wait until he regains sobriety to discuss any concerns about his behavior.
2. "Nothing's wrong, I'm Fine"
Men are taught to not be emotional beings. If he's sad, he's fine, if depressed, he's still fine. It can get awfully lonely for a man going through a difficult time. He feels as if there is nobody he can turn to. This is why it's important he knows someone is there for him. Keep in mind, it's easier for him to express anger when he's vulnerable, so give him space and let him come to you once he's ready.
3. "My battery died," "I didn't know you called"
It is entirely possible for these events to take place, but if these types of circumstances happen too often, they are probably more than just circumstance. Generally these lies are designed to cover up the fact that he's screening his calls, and you're no longer on his priority list. This can be a sign that a man is losing interest or falling out of love. Back off, and give him some space to realize he misses you.
4. "I don't care"
Yes, he does. Men desperately seek the approval of their partner. When faced with the prospects of criticism, blame, and the disappointment of a partner, a man may wall himself off by denying the importance of the relationship. This is the cue to pull back and express negative feelings with sensitivity. Men can handle "I feel" or "I need," much better than they can, "you are" or "you always."
5. "It wasn't expensive"
Women have expensive tastes, but men are just as guilty when it comes to their toys and vanity. Men pride themselves in being responsible with money, so when they buy something reckless, they lie to avoid the guilt of irresponsibility. Based on studies, men are much more susceptible to purchase expensive items for the purpose of deceiving others into thinking they are something they're not.
6. "I'm on my way," "I was stuck in traffic"
When a man is less than excited to be somewhere, these lies can add 20 to 40 minutes of free time to his schedule. This form of passive aggression spites his partner since he's showing up late, while hiding his contempt behind what he considers a plausible excuse. Instead of complaining that he's always late, try letting him know when (and why) it's really important for him to be on time.
7. "I didn't forget"
Men know the punitive damages of forgetting a birthday or anniversary. When faced with this transgression he will deny it, excuse himself quietly, drive to the nearest grocery store, and buy the biggest bouquet of flowers he can. Men don't understand the importance of remembering key relationship moments, so ambush his lies by communicating expectations openly and clearly.
8. "I'd never get plastic surgery"
Men are actually just as vain as women. In a 2007 survey, it was found that 17 percent of men had performed some sort of cosmetic surgery, whether hair transplant or botox injections. It's an increase of 5 and 21 percent, respectively, compared to just a few decades ago.
9. "I understand"
Men want to understand, but often their communication style differs so much they form a wedge between their partner. If he says he understands, make sure your needs have been explained with action-type words, rather than symbolic inference. For example, men will understand the phrase, "I want you to grab and kiss me more often," much more than, "I need more romance."
10. "I'm not married," "My wife and I are separated"
Cheating among married men is a tricky proposition. His real trick is to capture his pursued sex object's confidence, making her think she's about to get a good man -- when in fact she's only getting a cheating husband. Never believe a married man who makes these types of statements or promises. If he's a cheater, he's also a liar!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
A woman's crowning virtue
Today as i sat on the side lines of a busy Oncology ward waiting to see my mums Oncologist for a final diagnosis of her reports, i looked around and saw the many strained faces of fellow patients and their families - some entering the ward for the first time, some recovering from treatments, some waiting like me to hear the dreaded reality and some looking lost and confused.
Amongst all the hustle and bustle a thought crossed my mind.... for most of us women, how we look is so important. We always want to project the right image and one of the things we take great pains in is our hair. We cut, we blow dry, we straighten, perm, colour or relax, whatever it takes to get the salon look to make us feel on top of the world. But sitting here i look around and see the many women who have had to fall victim to the harsh reality of chemo therapy which makes all your hair fall out.
I remember a few months ago after my mum started treatment, the painful process of her hair fall. No amount of preparation or counselling made her ready for what she went through in those agonising few days. The itching, the redness, the hair falling in clumps around her, the pieces of hair flying off in the wind, the patchy baldness - it was more than I could bear watching from the sidelines. I cant imagine what she felt having to live through it.
I smile with one of the women who has travelled many miles to come for her treatment and I think to myself how truly brave these people are, how much pain are they enduring just like my mum, to find a cure for this dreaded disease. In that split second I realise how superficial we can be and how in a moment everything can just turn upside down and it could be any one of us walking through that ward as a patient someday.
I look around and see the bald heads the wigs and it hits me, a woman's crowning virtue.... lost in the process of cure.
Amongst all the hustle and bustle a thought crossed my mind.... for most of us women, how we look is so important. We always want to project the right image and one of the things we take great pains in is our hair. We cut, we blow dry, we straighten, perm, colour or relax, whatever it takes to get the salon look to make us feel on top of the world. But sitting here i look around and see the many women who have had to fall victim to the harsh reality of chemo therapy which makes all your hair fall out.
I remember a few months ago after my mum started treatment, the painful process of her hair fall. No amount of preparation or counselling made her ready for what she went through in those agonising few days. The itching, the redness, the hair falling in clumps around her, the pieces of hair flying off in the wind, the patchy baldness - it was more than I could bear watching from the sidelines. I cant imagine what she felt having to live through it.
I smile with one of the women who has travelled many miles to come for her treatment and I think to myself how truly brave these people are, how much pain are they enduring just like my mum, to find a cure for this dreaded disease. In that split second I realise how superficial we can be and how in a moment everything can just turn upside down and it could be any one of us walking through that ward as a patient someday.
I look around and see the bald heads the wigs and it hits me, a woman's crowning virtue.... lost in the process of cure.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Moving on
Aren't break ups a bugger? its all the more hard when you are living in a tiny island where everyone knows everyone and you are eventually sure to bump into your favourite or not so favourite EX. Whatever the circumstances were it gives you that all so familiar feeling of momentary stress. The common myth is that time heals and makes you forget just about anything, then why do many of us struggle with 'moving on'?
The biggest obstacle to 'moving on' starts with YOU. yes, YOU, the only person who can let you 'move on' or wallow in your sorry circumstances is YOU. Believe me i know this to be true, i had the worst possible break up years ago, and for many years i wallowed, not just in self pity but in self destruction. It was all my own doing, i can blame circumstances, i can blame people but the bottom line is that i let it happen, over and over again i made the choice to be in the place i was. UNTIL four years ago, when i made the decision enough was enough - if i don;t care about ME really, will anyone else give a damn?
I know its hard, i have cried buckets. I know there's no worse feeling in the world, than the feeling of rejection or loneliness. But have you stopped to look around you and see just how lucky you are to be alive? to have the opportunity to change your circumstances? YES, you heard me right, you can change your circumstances! when you do, the dark cloud will sail away, the heaviness in your heart will lighten and you will actually see the rainbow in your heart that gives you hope to live again.
If you truly want to move on, take that first step into the light and believe me everyday will give you a new reason to smile.
The biggest obstacle to 'moving on' starts with YOU. yes, YOU, the only person who can let you 'move on' or wallow in your sorry circumstances is YOU. Believe me i know this to be true, i had the worst possible break up years ago, and for many years i wallowed, not just in self pity but in self destruction. It was all my own doing, i can blame circumstances, i can blame people but the bottom line is that i let it happen, over and over again i made the choice to be in the place i was. UNTIL four years ago, when i made the decision enough was enough - if i don;t care about ME really, will anyone else give a damn?
I know its hard, i have cried buckets. I know there's no worse feeling in the world, than the feeling of rejection or loneliness. But have you stopped to look around you and see just how lucky you are to be alive? to have the opportunity to change your circumstances? YES, you heard me right, you can change your circumstances! when you do, the dark cloud will sail away, the heaviness in your heart will lighten and you will actually see the rainbow in your heart that gives you hope to live again.
If you truly want to move on, take that first step into the light and believe me everyday will give you a new reason to smile.
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