Leadership is rarely just about vision statements and strategy decks. Strip away the frameworks, and what remains is a deeply human tension, the constant negotiation between ego and empathy. Every leader, whether they admit it or not, feels this tug. The quiet calculation of when to lean in with authority, and when to step back and listen.
When Ego Helps, and When It Hurts
Ego often gets painted as the villain, but the truth is, without it, few of us would ever step into leadership. Ego fuels ambition. It’s what gives us the conviction to rally people around an idea, the courage to make tough calls, and the resilience to stand tall in the middle of setbacks. In its healthiest form, ego is the engine that propels leaders forward.
But ego has a shadow side. Left unchecked, it distorts perspective. It can turn leadership into a personal agenda rather than a collective mission. We’ve all seen versions of this: the manager who hoards credit, the executive who speaks last just to have the final word, the leader who confuses being visible with being valuable.
The challenge isn’t to erase ego but to discipline it. The best leaders don’t abandon ego; they learn how to harness it. They use it to drive ambition while resisting the temptation to let it eclipse the team.
Empathy ~ More Than Just “Being Nice”
If ego is the engine, empathy is the steering wheel. Empathy shifts our focus outward. It’s the difference between simply assigning a task and actually trusting someone with ownership. It’s what moves leadership from being about me to being about we.
There’s a common misconception that empathy in leadership means being endlessly accommodating. But empathy doesn’t mean being everyone’s best friend. It’s not about lowering the bar, it’s about lifting people so they can reach it.
The Spotlight Trap
Even leaders who balance ego and empathy often wrestle with another subtle challenge 'the spotlight'.
Few leaders admit it openly, but many feel it, that creeping fear of being overlooked if the team shines too brightly. Leadership FOMO is real. Recognition, after all, is part of what draws people to leadership in the first place.
But here’s the irony, the harder you chase the spotlight, the dimmer it gets. People might clap for your results in the moment, but what they remember is how they felt working with you. The leader who hogs credit often wins the applause of the day but loses long-term loyalty. The one who makes space for others to be seen? That’s the leader remembered with respect.
Think of an orchestra. The conductor is essential but never the star of the performance. The violinist, the percussionist, the soloist each take their turn in the light. Yet when the music ends, it’s the harmony that lingers, and the conductor is applauded for enabling it.
The same is true in leadership. The more you give away the spotlight, the stronger your light becomes. And research only reinforces what many of us know instinctively, leaders who listen, share credit, and lead with empathy build teams that are more engaged, innovative, and loyal.
Walking the Tightrope
So how do leaders walk this tightrope? A few anchors help...
Ask the hard question. Before stepping into the spotlight, pause. Is this about the mission, or is this about me? That simple check can stop ego from taking the wheel.
Give ownership, not errands. Delegation is transactional, empowerment is transformational. People grow when they feel trusted, not when they feel managed.
Rethink visibility. Visibility doesn’t mean being in every room. It means making sure your team is seen in the rooms that matter. When your team shines, your leadership echoes louder.
A Question Worth Sitting With
The tension between ego and empathy isn’t something you ever fully solve. It’s more like a dial than a switch, one that needs constant adjusting. Some moments demand more ego, conviction in crisis, clarity in chaos. Others call for empathy, patience, listening, humility. The art of leadership lies in knowing which to call upon, and when.
In the end, leadership isn’t measured by the light you cast on yourself. It’s measured by the glow you leave behind in others. The spotlight you share almost always finds its way back to you.
So maybe the better question is this - When was the last time you stepped back and let someone else take the bow and what did you learn in that silence?
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