Sunday, September 12, 2010
Oh! September
A beautiful month no doubt, but it represents for me a darker milestone. For years I have dreaded the arrival of September, some years are better than the rest and it creeps in and leaves without any significant shift in my system, but some years it crashes in with a great big THUD! Shakes every inch of my foundation, rips me up from deep inside and leaves me gutted.
Time passes, people come in and out of our lives and the one thing we are left with are the memories, either good or bad. What's amazing is that no matter how many good memories you have its the bad ones, the sad ones that are top of mind... September 2010, just brought in every bad memory I had hidden deep inside - like an un-stoppable wave it just swept over me and before I knew it I was drowning.
While I was drowning the one thing I kept thinking of is how much longer really, will I allow myself to relive all this? cry the tears? beat myself up over and over again? feel like my insides have been ripped out? how much longer? I had no answer - hello in there??? nothing, nothing at all... not a single sound that makes any sense.
If I could just scream I would, stand on top of some mountain and yell my gutts out... I'M SORRY! I MADE ONE LOUSY MISTAKE.... I LOVED WITHOUT THINKING.... WITHOUT LIMITS... I GAVE MY ALL... DO I HAVE TO KEEP PAYING FOR IT FOREVER!
Shouldn't there be an expiry date for pain?
Oh! September.... won't you be kinder to me.
Time passes, people come in and out of our lives and the one thing we are left with are the memories, either good or bad. What's amazing is that no matter how many good memories you have its the bad ones, the sad ones that are top of mind... September 2010, just brought in every bad memory I had hidden deep inside - like an un-stoppable wave it just swept over me and before I knew it I was drowning.
While I was drowning the one thing I kept thinking of is how much longer really, will I allow myself to relive all this? cry the tears? beat myself up over and over again? feel like my insides have been ripped out? how much longer? I had no answer - hello in there??? nothing, nothing at all... not a single sound that makes any sense.
If I could just scream I would, stand on top of some mountain and yell my gutts out... I'M SORRY! I MADE ONE LOUSY MISTAKE.... I LOVED WITHOUT THINKING.... WITHOUT LIMITS... I GAVE MY ALL... DO I HAVE TO KEEP PAYING FOR IT FOREVER!
Shouldn't there be an expiry date for pain?
Oh! September.... won't you be kinder to me.
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