Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Bad boys, bad boys whatcha gonna do.....whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
This was possibly one of them reggae tracks that got quite a bit of airplay a few years ago - it was playing in my head over and over again while I was tripping over the weekend on too much sun and surf. I felt I had to do justice to the tune so here I am writing a spheal on 'bad boys'
Aw... come on we have all met our fill of bad boys haven't we? you see them around driving their flashy wheels, oozing with attitude, all pumped up hot bods and trouble tattooed on their foreheads??? yes, yes thats the one who just set your heart fluttering and sent your imagination into a whirlwind.
So here's the thing, some of us have an uncanny knack of attracting trouble and when we do sometimes we don't have a clue how to deal with it. Take the advice of a permanent trouble magnet, enjoy the flutter in the heart but make sure its only a flutter and nothing more, let your imagination explore every bit of that whirlwind but please don't get caught up in the aftermath of it. There is nothing like having some happy time with the bad boys provided you hit the breaks when you have too and don't skid outta control.
If you’ve got it bad for a bad boy, here are a few pointers I fell upon by a love coach :) read on, this could be enlightening:
They say there are really only two types of men. Do tell!
Most men fall into one of two categories, Marrying Men and Hardened Bachelors, aka Bad Boys. In my private practice as a love coach, many women in relationship trouble often don’t know how to tell the difference between the two, and that’s the problem. They fail to see the telltale signs of a man who’s really relationship material, or a man who’s a Bad Boy.
The signs of a Marrying Man
It’s not particularly tough to spot this type of guy. He says things like, “I’m looking to get married,” with the ease of a man saying, “My company is looking for a receptionist.” He brings up the subject of marriage, family and commitment on his own, unflinchingly, and without prodding. When dating, he asks questions like, “What was your last relationship like?” to understand whether you qualify as a marriage-minded woman. Marrying Men like being in relationships. In fact, they need them. Now, “need” isn’t a dirty word when it comes to men in relationships, because in truth, men only marry the women they need. Bad Boys just keep burning through women and then replace them with different models… who sometimes are models!
So how would you define and describe a Bad Boy?
He can date in every age range and shag whomever he wants because he’s charismatic and handsome. He is also a master at making women feel really, really special because he loves them. These men aren’t monogamous—they don’t have to be! They have so many opportunities to cheat, they figure what’s a bon-bon or two when you’ve been offered the whole darn box?
Can single women easily identify a Bad Boy? Sometimes it’s not that easy!
They often make wisecracks about how “unhappy” all of their married friends are. Bad Boys often run in tight little groups comprised of other sexy, equally unavailable males. Their long-term primary relationships are often with each other, but they are available to women for sex; fun, short-term romance; long-term, non-exclusive sexual arrangements; or marriages made solely for their convenience (which will likely be riddled with affairs). Beneath it all, though, most Bad Boys are still traumatized from a twisted relationship deep in their past—with mommy or an ex.
Is it ever worth it to date a Bad Boy?
Bad Boys are perfect playmates for women who aren’t looking for a serious relationship, like divorced women who don’t want to get remarried and are just ready for excitement and fun. In fact, mature women are usually the only suitable partners for bad boys. They’re wise enough to understand the value of what he has to offer without making the mistake of falling in love with him. The thing to remember about these guys is that you will never come first; he’s totally self-involved, so keep your expectations realistic. Be in it for fun and fun only, and try not to expect more, because a Bad Boy will not be able to give it to you. Resist the temptation to think you’re different, that you can change him because you can’t, no matter how fantastic you are. It really is not you, it’s him.
Can a woman ever win over a Bad Boy?
Bad Boys all have one thing in common: a need for “space.” His rigid boundaries ensure that you’ll remain far too distant for real intimacy to occur. As soon as he feels he’s being emotionally hemmed in, he’ll panic. This is one reason why these men prefer dating very young women; they know that most young girls aren’t ready for marriage and won’t pressure him much. If in the extremely rare instance when a Bad Boy actually lets his guard down long enough to fall in love, know that he’ll be virtually tool-free when it comes to working out a real relationship. He’s often immature, petty, prone to jealousy, and then some! Frankly, in most cases, you’ll know that the relationship needs to end. It has to be you and you alone realizing this; it won’t come from all of your friends and family members continually reminding you how wrong he is for you. But when you figure it out and get over him, it’s the kind of experience that teaches you a lot of good lessons!
Well, there you have it ladies you cant tame a bad boy but you can sure as hell have one heck of a ride - make sure you enjoy every minute of it!
Aw... come on we have all met our fill of bad boys haven't we? you see them around driving their flashy wheels, oozing with attitude, all pumped up hot bods and trouble tattooed on their foreheads??? yes, yes thats the one who just set your heart fluttering and sent your imagination into a whirlwind.
So here's the thing, some of us have an uncanny knack of attracting trouble and when we do sometimes we don't have a clue how to deal with it. Take the advice of a permanent trouble magnet, enjoy the flutter in the heart but make sure its only a flutter and nothing more, let your imagination explore every bit of that whirlwind but please don't get caught up in the aftermath of it. There is nothing like having some happy time with the bad boys provided you hit the breaks when you have too and don't skid outta control.
If you’ve got it bad for a bad boy, here are a few pointers I fell upon by a love coach :) read on, this could be enlightening:
They say there are really only two types of men. Do tell!
Most men fall into one of two categories, Marrying Men and Hardened Bachelors, aka Bad Boys. In my private practice as a love coach, many women in relationship trouble often don’t know how to tell the difference between the two, and that’s the problem. They fail to see the telltale signs of a man who’s really relationship material, or a man who’s a Bad Boy.
The signs of a Marrying Man
It’s not particularly tough to spot this type of guy. He says things like, “I’m looking to get married,” with the ease of a man saying, “My company is looking for a receptionist.” He brings up the subject of marriage, family and commitment on his own, unflinchingly, and without prodding. When dating, he asks questions like, “What was your last relationship like?” to understand whether you qualify as a marriage-minded woman. Marrying Men like being in relationships. In fact, they need them. Now, “need” isn’t a dirty word when it comes to men in relationships, because in truth, men only marry the women they need. Bad Boys just keep burning through women and then replace them with different models… who sometimes are models!
So how would you define and describe a Bad Boy?
He can date in every age range and shag whomever he wants because he’s charismatic and handsome. He is also a master at making women feel really, really special because he loves them. These men aren’t monogamous—they don’t have to be! They have so many opportunities to cheat, they figure what’s a bon-bon or two when you’ve been offered the whole darn box?
Can single women easily identify a Bad Boy? Sometimes it’s not that easy!
They often make wisecracks about how “unhappy” all of their married friends are. Bad Boys often run in tight little groups comprised of other sexy, equally unavailable males. Their long-term primary relationships are often with each other, but they are available to women for sex; fun, short-term romance; long-term, non-exclusive sexual arrangements; or marriages made solely for their convenience (which will likely be riddled with affairs). Beneath it all, though, most Bad Boys are still traumatized from a twisted relationship deep in their past—with mommy or an ex.
Is it ever worth it to date a Bad Boy?
Bad Boys are perfect playmates for women who aren’t looking for a serious relationship, like divorced women who don’t want to get remarried and are just ready for excitement and fun. In fact, mature women are usually the only suitable partners for bad boys. They’re wise enough to understand the value of what he has to offer without making the mistake of falling in love with him. The thing to remember about these guys is that you will never come first; he’s totally self-involved, so keep your expectations realistic. Be in it for fun and fun only, and try not to expect more, because a Bad Boy will not be able to give it to you. Resist the temptation to think you’re different, that you can change him because you can’t, no matter how fantastic you are. It really is not you, it’s him.
Can a woman ever win over a Bad Boy?
Bad Boys all have one thing in common: a need for “space.” His rigid boundaries ensure that you’ll remain far too distant for real intimacy to occur. As soon as he feels he’s being emotionally hemmed in, he’ll panic. This is one reason why these men prefer dating very young women; they know that most young girls aren’t ready for marriage and won’t pressure him much. If in the extremely rare instance when a Bad Boy actually lets his guard down long enough to fall in love, know that he’ll be virtually tool-free when it comes to working out a real relationship. He’s often immature, petty, prone to jealousy, and then some! Frankly, in most cases, you’ll know that the relationship needs to end. It has to be you and you alone realizing this; it won’t come from all of your friends and family members continually reminding you how wrong he is for you. But when you figure it out and get over him, it’s the kind of experience that teaches you a lot of good lessons!
Well, there you have it ladies you cant tame a bad boy but you can sure as hell have one heck of a ride - make sure you enjoy every minute of it!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
A sense of humour and a mug of coffee
My life so far has been a roller coaster ride, for the most part I have enjoyed it tremendously. But you know how it is, its the sad bits that linger in the memory most often and there was a time when I used to be weighed down by those 'milestone' days as I used to call it. Thankfully I have been blessed with a great sense of humour and boy, doesn't it make a world of a difference when you find reasons to literally laugh out loud.
Laughter can turn around even the worst possible day, no matter what hits you if you can smile about it, I assure you even the worst circumstance seem to feel lighter and more concurable. My son refers to me as his crazy mother who always makes him laugh... I am glad that I can teach him to lighten up a little, to realise that situations are not too adverse that you cant see the funny side to it. I live by this philosophy no matter what is going wrong I will always find time to atleast smile if not laugh a little... trust me you will feel a whole lot better when you relax those tense facial expressions and ease that frown.
The second thing I think is man's greatest invention is that must have mug of coffee! I must confess I am a hopeless coffee addict. If I don't get my daily dose of caffeine, I am irritable, moody and down right rude. I love my coffee time, be it at home with bleary eyes early morning, in the office over a heated meeting, in a coffee house having mad conversation with friends or a terribly flirtatious moment with someone who has taken your fancy. That mug of coffee can lend to any moment in life and I just love it to bits. It keeps me sane and on a natural high and guess what, thats how I manage my daily dose of humour.
Dont you just hate to see grumpy faces? gosh, look what the cat dragged in I would say, or whats up with that dude... so think about it when you frown or pout too much, someone might just be tearing your mood to bits.... from today, lighten up a tad bit and don't let the stress of life get you to that place where you have forgotten how to laugh or make someone else laugh.
I would rather die without my sense of humour and I can't imagine my life without that daily dose of coffee! The two things that keep my spirits alive and kicking.
Laughter can turn around even the worst possible day, no matter what hits you if you can smile about it, I assure you even the worst circumstance seem to feel lighter and more concurable. My son refers to me as his crazy mother who always makes him laugh... I am glad that I can teach him to lighten up a little, to realise that situations are not too adverse that you cant see the funny side to it. I live by this philosophy no matter what is going wrong I will always find time to atleast smile if not laugh a little... trust me you will feel a whole lot better when you relax those tense facial expressions and ease that frown.
The second thing I think is man's greatest invention is that must have mug of coffee! I must confess I am a hopeless coffee addict. If I don't get my daily dose of caffeine, I am irritable, moody and down right rude. I love my coffee time, be it at home with bleary eyes early morning, in the office over a heated meeting, in a coffee house having mad conversation with friends or a terribly flirtatious moment with someone who has taken your fancy. That mug of coffee can lend to any moment in life and I just love it to bits. It keeps me sane and on a natural high and guess what, thats how I manage my daily dose of humour.
Dont you just hate to see grumpy faces? gosh, look what the cat dragged in I would say, or whats up with that dude... so think about it when you frown or pout too much, someone might just be tearing your mood to bits.... from today, lighten up a tad bit and don't let the stress of life get you to that place where you have forgotten how to laugh or make someone else laugh.
I would rather die without my sense of humour and I can't imagine my life without that daily dose of coffee! The two things that keep my spirits alive and kicking.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Top 10 Lies Men Tell.... read between the lines
A new survey by OnePole, shows how much lying both men and women do. Women tell an average of 728 lies per year, while men ride the line of over 1,090! If you think all these lies weigh heavily on his guilty conscience, 30 percent deliver them ease and comfort. Here are the top 10 lies he could be dishing out, and what you can do about them:
1. "I didn't have much to drink"
The number one lie told by men is how much they have had to drink. This is more of a lie to themselves than anyone else. An inebriated man is not good at fibbing. It can become a potentially serious problem if he lies about it too often. Wait until he regains sobriety to discuss any concerns about his behavior.
2. "Nothing's wrong, I'm Fine"
Men are taught to not be emotional beings. If he's sad, he's fine, if depressed, he's still fine. It can get awfully lonely for a man going through a difficult time. He feels as if there is nobody he can turn to. This is why it's important he knows someone is there for him. Keep in mind, it's easier for him to express anger when he's vulnerable, so give him space and let him come to you once he's ready.
3. "My battery died," "I didn't know you called"
It is entirely possible for these events to take place, but if these types of circumstances happen too often, they are probably more than just circumstance. Generally these lies are designed to cover up the fact that he's screening his calls, and you're no longer on his priority list. This can be a sign that a man is losing interest or falling out of love. Back off, and give him some space to realize he misses you.
4. "I don't care"
Yes, he does. Men desperately seek the approval of their partner. When faced with the prospects of criticism, blame, and the disappointment of a partner, a man may wall himself off by denying the importance of the relationship. This is the cue to pull back and express negative feelings with sensitivity. Men can handle "I feel" or "I need," much better than they can, "you are" or "you always."
5. "It wasn't expensive"
Women have expensive tastes, but men are just as guilty when it comes to their toys and vanity. Men pride themselves in being responsible with money, so when they buy something reckless, they lie to avoid the guilt of irresponsibility. Based on studies, men are much more susceptible to purchase expensive items for the purpose of deceiving others into thinking they are something they're not.
6. "I'm on my way," "I was stuck in traffic"
When a man is less than excited to be somewhere, these lies can add 20 to 40 minutes of free time to his schedule. This form of passive aggression spites his partner since he's showing up late, while hiding his contempt behind what he considers a plausible excuse. Instead of complaining that he's always late, try letting him know when (and why) it's really important for him to be on time.
7. "I didn't forget"
Men know the punitive damages of forgetting a birthday or anniversary. When faced with this transgression he will deny it, excuse himself quietly, drive to the nearest grocery store, and buy the biggest bouquet of flowers he can. Men don't understand the importance of remembering key relationship moments, so ambush his lies by communicating expectations openly and clearly.
8. "I'd never get plastic surgery"
Men are actually just as vain as women. In a 2007 survey, it was found that 17 percent of men had performed some sort of cosmetic surgery, whether hair transplant or botox injections. It's an increase of 5 and 21 percent, respectively, compared to just a few decades ago.
9. "I understand"
Men want to understand, but often their communication style differs so much they form a wedge between their partner. If he says he understands, make sure your needs have been explained with action-type words, rather than symbolic inference. For example, men will understand the phrase, "I want you to grab and kiss me more often," much more than, "I need more romance."
10. "I'm not married," "My wife and I are separated"
Cheating among married men is a tricky proposition. His real trick is to capture his pursued sex object's confidence, making her think she's about to get a good man -- when in fact she's only getting a cheating husband. Never believe a married man who makes these types of statements or promises. If he's a cheater, he's also a liar!
1. "I didn't have much to drink"
The number one lie told by men is how much they have had to drink. This is more of a lie to themselves than anyone else. An inebriated man is not good at fibbing. It can become a potentially serious problem if he lies about it too often. Wait until he regains sobriety to discuss any concerns about his behavior.
2. "Nothing's wrong, I'm Fine"
Men are taught to not be emotional beings. If he's sad, he's fine, if depressed, he's still fine. It can get awfully lonely for a man going through a difficult time. He feels as if there is nobody he can turn to. This is why it's important he knows someone is there for him. Keep in mind, it's easier for him to express anger when he's vulnerable, so give him space and let him come to you once he's ready.
3. "My battery died," "I didn't know you called"
It is entirely possible for these events to take place, but if these types of circumstances happen too often, they are probably more than just circumstance. Generally these lies are designed to cover up the fact that he's screening his calls, and you're no longer on his priority list. This can be a sign that a man is losing interest or falling out of love. Back off, and give him some space to realize he misses you.
4. "I don't care"
Yes, he does. Men desperately seek the approval of their partner. When faced with the prospects of criticism, blame, and the disappointment of a partner, a man may wall himself off by denying the importance of the relationship. This is the cue to pull back and express negative feelings with sensitivity. Men can handle "I feel" or "I need," much better than they can, "you are" or "you always."
5. "It wasn't expensive"
Women have expensive tastes, but men are just as guilty when it comes to their toys and vanity. Men pride themselves in being responsible with money, so when they buy something reckless, they lie to avoid the guilt of irresponsibility. Based on studies, men are much more susceptible to purchase expensive items for the purpose of deceiving others into thinking they are something they're not.
6. "I'm on my way," "I was stuck in traffic"
When a man is less than excited to be somewhere, these lies can add 20 to 40 minutes of free time to his schedule. This form of passive aggression spites his partner since he's showing up late, while hiding his contempt behind what he considers a plausible excuse. Instead of complaining that he's always late, try letting him know when (and why) it's really important for him to be on time.
7. "I didn't forget"
Men know the punitive damages of forgetting a birthday or anniversary. When faced with this transgression he will deny it, excuse himself quietly, drive to the nearest grocery store, and buy the biggest bouquet of flowers he can. Men don't understand the importance of remembering key relationship moments, so ambush his lies by communicating expectations openly and clearly.
8. "I'd never get plastic surgery"
Men are actually just as vain as women. In a 2007 survey, it was found that 17 percent of men had performed some sort of cosmetic surgery, whether hair transplant or botox injections. It's an increase of 5 and 21 percent, respectively, compared to just a few decades ago.
9. "I understand"
Men want to understand, but often their communication style differs so much they form a wedge between their partner. If he says he understands, make sure your needs have been explained with action-type words, rather than symbolic inference. For example, men will understand the phrase, "I want you to grab and kiss me more often," much more than, "I need more romance."
10. "I'm not married," "My wife and I are separated"
Cheating among married men is a tricky proposition. His real trick is to capture his pursued sex object's confidence, making her think she's about to get a good man -- when in fact she's only getting a cheating husband. Never believe a married man who makes these types of statements or promises. If he's a cheater, he's also a liar!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
A woman's crowning virtue
Today as i sat on the side lines of a busy Oncology ward waiting to see my mums Oncologist for a final diagnosis of her reports, i looked around and saw the many strained faces of fellow patients and their families - some entering the ward for the first time, some recovering from treatments, some waiting like me to hear the dreaded reality and some looking lost and confused.
Amongst all the hustle and bustle a thought crossed my mind.... for most of us women, how we look is so important. We always want to project the right image and one of the things we take great pains in is our hair. We cut, we blow dry, we straighten, perm, colour or relax, whatever it takes to get the salon look to make us feel on top of the world. But sitting here i look around and see the many women who have had to fall victim to the harsh reality of chemo therapy which makes all your hair fall out.
I remember a few months ago after my mum started treatment, the painful process of her hair fall. No amount of preparation or counselling made her ready for what she went through in those agonising few days. The itching, the redness, the hair falling in clumps around her, the pieces of hair flying off in the wind, the patchy baldness - it was more than I could bear watching from the sidelines. I cant imagine what she felt having to live through it.
I smile with one of the women who has travelled many miles to come for her treatment and I think to myself how truly brave these people are, how much pain are they enduring just like my mum, to find a cure for this dreaded disease. In that split second I realise how superficial we can be and how in a moment everything can just turn upside down and it could be any one of us walking through that ward as a patient someday.
I look around and see the bald heads the wigs and it hits me, a woman's crowning virtue.... lost in the process of cure.
Amongst all the hustle and bustle a thought crossed my mind.... for most of us women, how we look is so important. We always want to project the right image and one of the things we take great pains in is our hair. We cut, we blow dry, we straighten, perm, colour or relax, whatever it takes to get the salon look to make us feel on top of the world. But sitting here i look around and see the many women who have had to fall victim to the harsh reality of chemo therapy which makes all your hair fall out.
I remember a few months ago after my mum started treatment, the painful process of her hair fall. No amount of preparation or counselling made her ready for what she went through in those agonising few days. The itching, the redness, the hair falling in clumps around her, the pieces of hair flying off in the wind, the patchy baldness - it was more than I could bear watching from the sidelines. I cant imagine what she felt having to live through it.
I smile with one of the women who has travelled many miles to come for her treatment and I think to myself how truly brave these people are, how much pain are they enduring just like my mum, to find a cure for this dreaded disease. In that split second I realise how superficial we can be and how in a moment everything can just turn upside down and it could be any one of us walking through that ward as a patient someday.
I look around and see the bald heads the wigs and it hits me, a woman's crowning virtue.... lost in the process of cure.
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