Yes, I am a single parent, who are you?

Some days are harder than others, some days are a breeze, yet there are days when I stand at the foot of this really tall mountain, look up and think to myself…. How do I get up and over today? Being a single parent is not an easy task; you have to play the roles of both a mum as well as a dad. This is by far the most difficult aspect of being a single parent. Apart from this the financial challenges can add a fair amount of difficulty as well.  One minute you are pampering your precious child as a mother and then scolding them as a father would in the next instant.

When I decided to go solo as a parent a few years ago, I had a great resistance from many quarters naturally. Being a single parent is in itself is difficult, but to be a single parent in a country like Sri Lanka well, that is by far a mammoth task. I think you have to be a very strong person if you want to be different to the norm in this tiny island. Unlike in any other country many people would rather stand on the sidelines and take pot shots and pass judgement at every turn than reach out to try and understand your situation or go the extra mile to lend a helping hand. This holds true across the board, be it family, supposed friends, teachers in schools your kids go too, men on the prowl who think that single mothers for instance are easy game and society in general not a soul is welcoming of single parenting or children from single parent homes.

Sometimes when I meet with parents at social gatherings I smile as the ladies carry on about their non-understanding other half and how bad they have it  ‘ you know he expects me to do everything, I am running with the children all day and then I am expected to have dinner on the table and keep things in place at home too – how unfair is that.’ They complain how they have no help from their husbands, how they are snowed under by running around with the kids and their chores, how they don’t have time for themselves blah blah blah….. I must say I feel blessed to not have half these issues to complain about, because in my 24x7 there is no room for complaints about how unfair the world is - I have to get with the programme, get on my toes from the moment I wake up juggling household chores, a regular job, my child and his demands, my own demands and every challenge possible that life throws in my direction. So while I am smiling to myself what I really feel like saying to these ‘woe befallen ladies’ is ‘Quit complaining, the time you take to complain can be put to better use if you really think about it!’

Being a single parent you have to be there both physically and mentally for your children. Children in any type of family need quality time but when you are a single parent home your quota of quality time demands are that much more. You have to avail yourself to them as much as possible. This is by far the most challenging feat, here in Sri Lanka we have no support system for single parents, hence 99.9% of single parents have to be employed to meet the financial needs of the family. It is very rare to find institutions and people in authority who understand your predicament and empathise with you. They would never understand why you need to get home in time so as not to deter your child’s routine or why you may not be able to make yourselves available for extra long days or weekend meetings, so this makes it quite a challenge for a working single parent.

Then there are those times that you are ill but you really cant afford to be so, you need to get yourself out there, because if you don’t, there is no one else to see to things.  You are it and you seldom have the luxury of getting ill or taking a day off from reality. 

It is difficult for children to be raised by both parents. How much more then a single parent? You have to be ready for this great task and keep reminding yourself that you can never try to unleash your frustration on your child at any point. It is a constant case of reminding your self that you are on your own and no matter how hard or how bad your day has been you have to be there, with all your positive energy turned on.

My realization from the past nine years of single parenting is that it is a challenging task, you will find obstacles, people will criticize, brand you and judge you, heck they will even make life that much more difficult for you but it is by far the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life and if I had a chance to go back and make a choice again I would not change my decision for any reason.

Raising a family is difficult enough. But it's even more difficult for single parents struggling to make ends meet. They don't need more obstacles. They need more opportunities - Bill Richardson